Has anyone ever knowingly manipulated their partner using threats/verbal aggression?

i would love to have insight into this mentality. my ex threatened to follow me to work because he couldnt get his own way one morning. but he says his behaviour is my fault. do you think such behaviour is done unconciously? ie , they know no other way of reacting because they were raised that way so deserve sympathy? or are they aware that such behaviour is selfish, uncaring, manipulative?